Lost
by Errol's Feather
Summary: Minerva is feeling lost when it comes to her feelings for Hermione. Based on the lyrics to the song lost.


_**Authors Note: I've always loved the song lost by Anouk and I always wanted to make a story based on the lyrics. This is the result. Hope I'm not way off.  
**_

_**Authors Note 2: To the woman I would have been lost without and I love with all my heart. **_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and I don't own any money from it. All the character belongs to J.K. Rowling.  
**_

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_**Lost **_

Minerva was holding up a rose, making it twirl between her slender fingers. It seemed like a outcast with the other flowers, as it had white mixing with its red. She carried it carefully back to her office thinking that in a way the rose was just like her, different. She was now more than every longing for the one thing she could not have.

Hermione Granger.

Minerva wasn't the one to fall in love easily, in fact so far it had only happened twice in her lifetime. With one of them she did in deed marry, but to her hearts sorry she would lose him shortly after.

Then here she was again, and even if she was old she knew for a fact that this feeling was love. She sighed wondering what Hermione was doing this very moment. The golden trio had left the school that term to go in search of something that would stop Voldemort. She just hoped they all were alive and well, especially Hermione. The young woman had over the years came to be Minerva's favorite.

She in so many ways light up Minerva's days as she was actually one of the few that did listen to her. Minerva sighed, shaking her head, knowing that even if the young woman should return in one piece she could never have her.

Minerva was glancing over at Hermione as she was dancing with Victor Krum at the Yule ball. She was wondering what it would feel like to dance with her. Knowing it to be wrong for her to think that way she shook it off.

At least until she saw the stars that were shining in Hermione's eyes as he twirled her around for another round. Then he leaned to whisper something into her ear. Hermione nodded and walked off the floor with him to get something to drink.

The old witch sighed wondering what it had been like if she was young and not old like she was. If she had been she maybe could have been one of the younger witch's friends or more. She wondered what it would be like if they were the ones dancing, Hermione leaning against her as the music slowed down.

'Stop it, Minerva,' she thought to herself as she heard Hermione's gentle voice behind her say, "Professor McGonagall."

"Miss Granger," Minerva said, after turning to face her.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" she asked polite, looking at her aging professor. Her eyes seemed troubled.

Minerva looked back at Hermione's sparkling eyes, they seemed concerned. She mastered a smile, saying, "I am, thank you. What about yourself?"

"I…it's fun," she quickly said with a smile. Hiding of course the trouble she was having with Ron and Harry.

"I'm glad," said Minerva honestly.

Hermione nodded and excused herself going back over to her date most likely Minerva figured. She sighed figuring it was time for her to go. As she walked away she cast one last look at Hermione. Her heart speed up and a rare genuine smile graced her lips. Just for a second though as reality came to hit her in the face.

Minerva was tossing and turning in her sleep before she opened her eyes, realizing she was not at the Yule ball anymore, she was at home in her bed. She groaned, turning to face the wall, shivering lightly. He hand going down to her aching back, wishing she had someone like Hermione to rub it for her.

Her she however was alone in the dark, lost in a vague memory of a distant ball. She had over the years watched how the young girl turned into a beautiful woman. Falling more for her each day that went by.

She couldn't help herself. And now she was there in the dark feeling so very lost and alone. She wanted to stop thinking of her, but she couldn't as the old witch was lost when it came to Hermione. Every time she looked into her hazel eyes the world seemed to disappear. She of course knew it was stupid and that she shouldn't feel the way she did, still she couldn't help it.

And right now while she was lying there alone in the dark she ached for the younger witch. She longed for her to come back, because even how lost she was in her presence, she was even more lost without her near.

She groaned, closing her eyes, forcing herself back to sleep, dreaming of Hermione.

Minerva's eyes meet Hermione's hazel eyes. They were as hers filled with sorrow. Too many lives had gotten lost in the last battle on the school grounds. Friends, family, enemies, innocent.

She looked over at the young girl, bruised, dirty, hardly managing to stand up straight next to her friends. She was exhausted much like herself.

Still spite everything something inside her hazel eyes made a shiver run down the old witch's spine. Something she couldn't control. Something that made her heart flutter.

She took a step forward to talk to her, but turned when she saw Ronald Wesley holding her hand. Minerva sighed, walking over to talk to someone else, hiding her disappointment.

She never saw the longing glance Hermione cast after her.

The music was playing loudly, the song that was playing was an old Muggle tune called, "I'll always love you." On the floor Hermione was dancing her first dance with her husband Ronald Weasley. Minerva was one of the many guests watching them.

As the song switched and more got on the floor, Minerva saw Hermione dragging Ron aside. Something wasn't right; Minerva could feel it deep within her core.

She could hear Hermione's honey sweet voice say, "We can't just leave, what about our guests."

"They'll manage and I think they will understand this is after all our wedding night," Minerva's heard Ronald Weasley complain.

"Perhaps, but these people care about us and some have come a long way to celebrate the day with us, so we will remain until they leave," she said, her voice sounded firm.

"You're unbelievable," he said, but he didn't try to force her with. Most likely cause he knew she could fight back and he didn't want to make a scene.

"Ronald, please don't be like that, you know I love you," Hermione said in an even softer tone. These were the words Minerva wished she would never hear as they would tear her old heart apart. As she hugged him, she looked over his shoulder and right into Minerva's eyes.

She mastered a smile and Minerva vaguely smiled back at her. Never before had she seen her so beautiful. She in her silent mind thought she looked like and angel. An angel she could never have. Minerva sighed as she slowly got up. It was time to leave; her heart couldn't bear this scene anymore. Hermione just looked after her wishing she had stayed.

Seven years had gone by since the wedding and Minerva couldn't get the picture of how perfect Hermione had looked out of her head. Her eyes went to the framed wedding photo on one of the shelves in her office.

She wished she could stop loving her, but it was impossible. She simply couldn't stop and that was enough to drive her insane. All she wanted was to be with her, to hold her in her arms, if only for one time.

Tears were streaming down the old witch's cheek, landing on the parcement on which she was writing. She didn't care. To her it didn't matter. She didn't even care that the daylight slowly turned to night and she was sitting there in the darkness.

She was trying to form a letter for Hermione to answer her last own mail. All she wanted was to declare her feelings, but doing so would be wrong. So instead she wrote something as simple as, "Dear Hermione. I'm all good, busy, but good. The new term is starting in two days, looking forward to sorting out new students and welcoming them to the school. I got that all is still good on your end and I'm happy for you. You deserve that and more. Yours sincerely. Minerva McGonagall."

Then it would be to find and owl to send it, but that would have to wait until the morning she figured. She would drown in a sea of tears on her desk that night, slowly sliding into yet more restless dream about Hermione Jean Weasley.

Hermione looked at Minerva's short replay with a frown. The older witch never wrote letters of any kind this short. At least not to her, being one of her favorite cubs.

She looked over at her husband he was relaxing on the couch after work like he always did. The marriage hadn't gone as she planned. She had one child already and another on the way and good forbid Ron helped her with anything. He had of course been a doting husband at first but that had changed too soon.

"Ron," Hermione spoke.

"Mhm," he answered.

"I'm going out for a little while; can you please look after Rose?" Hermione asked.

"Where to and for how long?" he asked.

"I don't know and I don't know," she whispered, walking out of their home before he could say anything else. She needed air. She needed to get away. Before she could stop her she apparated to the only place she felt safe, the grounds of Hogwarts.

There she sank down on one of the many stairwells, crying, and her hands to her face. It was too much, too much to handle and she didn't want to do it alone. She was starting to feel more and more lost for each day.

Everything was starting to be a predictable routine and she missed laughing and having fun like she had back at the school. She wondered where time had gone.

She hardly had contact with her old friends; there never was time with a household and a child. And Minerva, it was first when she sat there on the grounds of her old school she realized just how much she missed the old witch. Spite her wrinkles; greying hair and stern appearance Hermione had come to be quite fond of her.

And right now lost as she was she needed to see her that much she knew, as Minerva was possibly the only one that could save her from the darkness.

Slowly the young witch made her way upstairs to the headmistress office, knowing that she most likely wouldn't be there as it was starting to get late, but it couldn't hurt to try.

Minerva was halfway sleeping and halfway going over some important papers regarding her school. Nodding off again she didn't hear the knock on the door and it opening.

"Professor, are you here," Hermione asked, her eyes searching the dark room to find her.

Minerva startled thinking it had to be a dream, for surely Hermione couldn't be in her office at this hour. Yet she heard her voice. She groaned as she sat up, looking right onto a pair of sad hazel eyes.

"Hermione, what are you doing here?" Minerva asked.

"I could ask you the same, working at this hour," said Hermione.

"I have a lot that needs my attention, so what can I do for you?" Minerva wanted to know.

Without even thinking the words slipping out of Hermione's mouth was, "I'm so lost without you."

Minerva looked at her with shocked eyes, their eyes again meeting and Minerva at once understood it was true. The young woman standing in front of her was just as lost as she was. And there in the darkness of her office two lost souls would find each. The darkness would soon be gone.

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Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)


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